What I Wish My Bathroom Smelled Like

Nothing.

That's what I wish my bathroom smelled like--nothing.

Because if my bathroom smelled like nothing, then that would mean that it didn't smell like a dirty diaper left in the garbage.

And if it smelled like nothing, then it couldn't smell like a lit match

which means someone did something stinky.

(I won't buy commercial air fresheners--I call them cancer-in-a-can.)

If my bathroom smelled like nothing, then it wouldn't smell like wet towels left on the floor.

And it couldn't smell like someone should have lit a match, but didn't.

Sometimes my bathroom smells minty,

but that's only when Ivy's been extravagantly loading her toothbrush...and the counter...and the towel she used to wipe it all up...and then left on the counter.

I wish my bathroom smelled like nothing.