Getting Ready

You'd think I'd have this all down pat by now.
But I don't.

I think I had my heart and mind so set on a homebirth that I forgot that I have to have everything "ready" before baby comes: the carseat, a bag packed, camera at the ready, etc.

A few nights ago I was wondering if it was "time."  I made my way through several contractions, all while {almost} freaking out that I wasn't ready!
I knew that  if it really was labor, a bath would make the contractions progress.  If they were just "false", then a bath should settle things down.

At about midnight, I drew a nice warm bath with one of my favorite goat milk soap treats for myself (black raspberry for the really curious reader)...and cried out to God in my heart.

See, I've delivered eight children naturally (no epidurals, etc.).  I suppose it's because of this that I know very well that birthing a baby isn't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world to do.  It hurts.  It hurts worse if you're scared.  It hurts less if you're prepared for it and prepared to work with rather than against the pain.

Even though I know this, I still had this moment of really vulnerable conversation with God.
"Lord, I'm scared.  I'm scared and I'm handing these fears over to You:

~I'm scared it's going to hurt.


~I'm not ready.  If the baby comes tonight, I'm not ready. I'm not packed. I don't have everything out of storage!

~I'm scared of all the new-ness surrounding this baby...a new midwife, a new clinic, new hospital, etc.

To each of these, once I had surrendered the fears to the One who can handle them, I talked myself through each one.

Scared it's going to hurt?  Of course it's going to hurt--and it will hurt worse if I'm scared.  I need to remember that I was created to do this very thing.  I'm fully equipped to handle it.  If I can remember to work with  my body, as I have done before, it'll be fine.  I can do this.

Not ready?  GET ready!  Pack what I can right now, and the rest will work out.  It's no one's fault but my own that I'm not packed.  Make a list, gather what I need and the problem is solved.


Scared of all the "new"?  It can't be helped.  Concentrate instead on what is the same:  my husband, my friend/doula Megan, birth is not new to me, etc.  Focus on the One Who Never Changes--the Almighty, in who's capable hand I rest.

By the time I stepped out of the tub, the contractions had stopped, my fears had eased, and I smelled reaaaallllly good. :-)
I just had to get myself ready to face what lies ahead.