Saturday, April 9, 2011

I Want You to Know

Since we've shared our news,
I've caught a little flack.

It doesn't surprise me when I do,
but I wish I didn't 
feel like I have to defend myself.

I probably will use this blog
as a way to talk about
some of the things people say to me.

It's a way for me to process...
a way for me to talk about 
how others' words
affect me.

The first one I'd like to address is:
"Whoa--you sure didn't waste any time telling people!"

I used to think
(and this probably came from my grandma)
that you had to wait a magical three months
before announcing a pregnancy.

Is this the "just in case" factor?
Don't tell anyone about your new baby
"just in case" you miscarry?

I have never experienced a miscarriage,
and I hope to God I never do.
But I think that the same people that I would tell about a coming baby
are the same people who would share in mourning the loss of a baby.
I see no reason--for me...for us--to wait to tell people.

I am excited about this new baby.
I want you to know about him/her.

This may sound ridiculous,
but I think it applies.

Is my 13 year old
more of a person
than my 2 year old--
just because he's older?

Uh, no.

So just because this baby inside me
is very young
doesn't mean that he/she is less of a person.

If I run into you in the store,
I will introduce you to all the children who are with me--
that includes the one who resides within me.

Should I not tell you about my 1 year old--
"just in case"?
No--she is a person.
She has an eternal soul.
I want you to know about her.

In the same way,
I want you to know about this new baby.

So, please...
please don't make fun of me for
announcing this new life within me so soon.

I want you to know...
I want you to know about him or her.


  1. Interesting post Melissa! I had never thought of it that so true.
    I always kept it quiet, because (yes hard to believe) I'm private about that stuff. For me, I didn't want to run into people six months or a year later and have to explain what was going on...but that was me.
    Your points are great. Either way, you know what I say about people who have a problem with what you do. I'd post it here, but it's all profane, and....I don't want your kids to read it. But you can guess! :)

  2. Once again...who cares when you tell people! Why can't you be happy for your baby and family?! I don't understand why everyone is so involoved in other people choices and decisions, ya know! I couldn't be happier for your family! I kinda have a special baby knowing gift, that's why I asked you, I KNEW you were pregnant! My motto is: YOU do what works best for YOUR family, period! I've done a lot of things as a parent, many of the same things you do(bf, wear, cosleep) and boy did we hear it. BUt why? Can't people respect my choices and decisions especially if there is no harm to the child?!
    Rock on Melissa, tell away! Tell the world...oh wait you did through your blog! hehe :)

    PS:I love the part where you said, do I not introduce my 1 year old just in case, LOL

  3. I feel EXACTLY the same way, Melissa! We told people (and by people I mean anyone who would listen) about Kendall the day after we found out she was coming! We found out when I was about 5weeks. We wanted people to rejoice with us and pray for our new little one. I'm so glad you let us share in your joy! We are so happy for you!

  4. Here's another angle - when I was expecting my first (a kazillion years ago), my doctor told me that if I tell people too early, I will get really, really tired of people saying to me, "Isn't that baby born YET?" or, "Wow! aren't you EVER going to deliver?" or something along those lines. I told people right away anyway, although I think a lot of people did wait until around 3 months. But try not to get upset over any flack and you certainly don't need to defend yourself! This is YOUR life and YOUR business, so there!

  5. know that you and I share the same feelings about the whole large family thing!! I am proud of you and applaud you for the strength you show!! I too always felt in the "defense" mode with each one!! Finally tho with Delaney I REFUSED to be in that mode...I think some bitterness had set in and I got a bit sassy!! I also wanted NOONE to rob me of enjoying that baby inside me!! So...bless you and bless that amazing baby that you are growing inside you!! Miracles...blessing...all into one!!

  6. We agree with you Melissa and we are so excited for this new little one. We love you all so much!

  7. As someone who started young,I had a fear of getting pregnant for a very long time. Looking back with new eyes, I see that it was very tramatic for me.. I look at my son now and think,How in the world did we make it. I never gave it a thought till he started to near my age that I became pregnant. I never was a baby person and I remember distinctly not wanting children. At a young age, it was instilled in my brain it was something to avoid at all costs! My dad hated it when I got a doll. "She is just going to want to have kids." is the arguement he would give my mom. I cried every time I found out I was pregnant.. #3 was the one that changed that. We lost her at 16 weeks and that is when I realized how fragile and precious life is. I craved being pregnant after that. #4 came along and I cried with happiness with that test. I am thankfull for that joy. I was always envious of people that were happy to be expecting.

    WE, as a family, are so Happy for you two. We as teenage mothers need to walk to a different drummer. It took courage to announce that first one.. and like I told you so many years ago "Who cares what people will think." I understand what a blessing a "Full Quiver" is now. Enjoy this dear one,not everyone is rolling their eyes! :)

  8. Melissa~I know from experience the harsh words people can say but I believe that is what makes a person stronger! Let them talk..not like you are asking for a donation to raise them, to babysit them, or anything else! Stay you have some of the happiest babies I've ever seen! Bridget

  9. You make some great points!

    We didn't tell anyone when I was pregnant until 13, 14 weeks or whatever, but that was because we had some decisions we needed to make BEFORE we were bombarded with well-meaning relatives asking, "will you do this? What about this?" It was a nice time to revel and process parenthood with no outside pressure.

    I'm a super private person (I know, and I blog, weird!) and when I experience hurt, I only want one or two people to know while I'm working through it. Then I tell people, slowly. :)

    I'm not sure if we'll tell people right away if/when we have baby #2. But then again, if I'm sick again, I'll probably tell others as I'll want help. :)


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