Thursday, April 7, 2011

Let's Talk

When I posted a link to "Things You Should Never Say", I did so because I thought it was a funny post.
I did not do it to be pointed, I promise!

As I was reading through the comments on her blog, something I rarely, if ever do, I found that many people were kind of offended that she had written such a post.  Hm.  They somehow took it as her saying "shut-up about my family" and didn't think that was very Christ-like.  Which is true--saying "shut-up" is certainly not Christ-like.

But that's not what she was saying.

Her main point was that questions are generally ok--if you are asking me about my family because you are genuinely curious about some choices we have made, I can tell you are asking because you are genuinely curious.

If, however, you are asking me a question because you want to make me feel stupid, I can tell that, too.

Some "questions" are not a question at all.  Take "You DO know what causes that, right?"
That's not a question--that's a mockery and an insult and implies that we are somehow clueless as to how the reproductive system works.

The adoption ones she mentioned really stood out to me as over-the-top.  "Which ones are your "real" kids?" COME ON!!!  Are you KIDDING me???

Would you ever walk up to a woman and say "What size do you wear?" or "How much do you weigh?"
I hope not.

Those questions are intrusive and none of your business.

Why, Why, WHY do people always ask if we're "done" now?!
Dennis' favorite response is to say, "Done doing what?"  (perhaps that's not very Christ-like either, but watching the person stammer is a tad fun.)
To me, and maybe it's just me, but that question is intrusive and no one's business.

But it does give me the opportunity to say, "Well, we don't know how many kids we'll have--we have chosen to let the Lord plan our family.  If He wants us to have more, we would welcome them!"

This usually leads to some sort of Duggar family reference, but, whatever.

I know we attract attention--and not just 'cause we're so good looking. :o)
Walking into to church (late) with my tribe--good grief, we're going to get noticed.  You just can't "sneak in" with little folks, and you can't sneak in with 10 people.
Some blessed folks just smile and nod...some with an understanding of what the days were like when their children were small and always seemed to trip right before they could enter the pew to sit down thereby stopping the whole procession until the child wearing the cowboy boots that are 10 sizes too big for him can pick himself up off the floor and make his way into the pew.
It's the disdainful looks that are hard to bear.  
Mercifully, I haven't seen many of these. 

It comes down to this:  let's not be rude, people.
I KNOW that I have in error said something that I didn't think or know was rude.  I KNOW I have.  And perhaps that person walked away seething at my ignorance.
I would hope, though, that they would recognize my question/comment as coming from a heart that was genuinely curious--and not one that was trying to "put them in their place" or trying to make them feel stupid.

If you'd like to read more about what Courtney had to say, click here:  A little more from yesterday


  1. I agree and honestly I don't care how many babies anyone has. I know whats right for ME and for anyone else, more power to ya! Have away! I actually think it's kinda cool to see your family. You will have experiences and your chilren too that mine never have and vise versa. Babaies are such a blessing!!! :)
    Oh and I can't wait to see your #9...eeeekkkk!!! I'm excited for you!

  2. Ok, so I went and read both her posts. Maybe I have thicker skin and myabe it's just b/c I'm in the "opposite" boat but we get asked ALL THE TIME...when are you having more? Only 2? that's it, you only want 2? Don't you want a girl? So no more babies? You SHOULD have more, why not? The more the merrier. You boys LOOK so much alike, they look JUST LIKE THEIR DAD, they don't look anything like you, do they? Or my favorite...You should ADOPT!
    Really, it gets old, it does but I just smile and answer the questions. I get we are the odd ones in this part of the US that only chose to have TWO kids, but that was our choice, and I LOVE my boys and know God gave me boys for a reason. If we had a girl or girls I'd love them the same. Everytime we go ANYWHERE, we get asked some or all of these questions. Like Courtney, it gets old but I could really give a rip what people think of my modest family. It's what God wanted us to have. And at one point we did want to adopt and after having Abram, we decided it probably isn't the best option for our family, don't hate on me b/c we only have TWO kids people, please. We also get...with only 2 kids you guys probably get to do A LOT of FUN things, huh?!
    So there...I get to be on the other end just as much as those with large families!

  3. Salena,
    My point (and I think Courtney's, too) was kind of like "GOOD GRIEF, PEOPLE! THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!!"
    I agree with what you are saying, I don't know that I've ever gotten upset with someone when they've asked me something. I always smile and answer the best I know how--whether that be a "real" answer or just a "oh, I see." kind of answer.
    It's incredible the things people say to others--whether they have 0, 2, 5, or 15 or more.

  4. Exactly! I think it's human nature to be nosey and ask. I'm sure most people don't even realize or think they are being rude.

  5. I am curious about the comment in your sidebar that "God alone opens and closes the womb". What about infertile couples? Should we just pray for a baby instead of turning to modern medicine?

    I hope I am misinterpreting.


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